Current Books in the "Book Stack"! What's On Your Reading List?

I still remember the first time I drove myself to the bookstore to buy a self-help parenting book.  It was about 8:00 p.m and I was pregnant with my second child.  My oldest and only daughter at the time was almost two.  I don't remember the exact series of events but they involved a 
Battle 
of 
the 
WILLS!
 Twenty-nine year old Me against 20 month old Her.  
She had my number.  
                             And we both knew it.  
She looked me in the eyes and deliberately and willfully threw a glass vase down to the ground to shatter into millions of pieces.  Non-reactive parenting?  What was that?! Because at that moment, she had me reacting all over the place.  Screaming and yelling and acting like...well, the two year old.  She certainly wasn't celebrating her win.  Instead, she looked rather scared shitless.  We were both an emotional mess.  My husband stepped in and sent me to my room to BREATHE and count to 500.  It was at that moment that I was seeing myself react just the way I knew I DID NOT want to be as a parent, that I knew I needed to have a plan so that it wouldn't happen again.  I was going to be in control of this parenting thing!  
Here's the book I bought that night:

From the small amounts of the book that I've read, it really is an excellent book!  I just pulled it off my shelf a few minutes ago and after a thumb through, I'm going to finish reading it.  I even found the notes that I had started taking while reading it.  I love rereading my notes because I end up learning all over again!  Great reminders:

• Calm my own anxiety, refusing to transfer it over to my children and make the situation worse.  (Gosh, I really needed to reread this one!)
• In order to be in charge, I need to bring myself under control!
• Emotional Reactivity doesn't just make things worse; it actually helps produce the very results we're reacting against. 
• My goals: really notice and comment on the good good things they are doing and Tap deep for my reservoir of calm.

I'm really glad I found this book again and that I kept some of my notes in the book! Hoping to pick it back up again over the next few weeks!


Stacks and Stacks of Books

If any of you are like me, you might have a long list, or in my case, a big stack of books that you are "READING".  Really this means that I've started them all but not getting finished with any of them.  One of my new goals is to really make time for finishing some of the books I've been dappling in or thumbing through with a non-committal agenda.  Especially my parenting book!  Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is fun to have books just scattered around to pick up when the moment strikes me.  Reading small snippets here and there...little nuggets of wisdom to think about throughout the day.  This works well with non-fiction.  


Here are just some of the books you might find by my bedside or in a stack by the couch right now:

Flow in Sports is one that Meg from Meg Runs highly recommended.  So I ordered it.  Grace Based Parenting...Loving it!!

This one was sent to me in the mail as a "just because" gift from a blog friend.  Love it!

A book I saw in a friend's bathroom and said it sounded interesting.  She loaned it to me.  Thanks Cathy!

I hear great things about this and as an educator and mother of a boy, this one is definitely one I will get to!

Oh, and don't let me make you think that I don't enjoy a good fictional book!  In fact, I have book club tonight.  We read all sorts of things ranging from heavy historical fiction to humorous fiction, and yes, I do indulge in the occasional mindless but enjoyable "chick lit" book.  The one we just read for book club is this one below.  Yeah, don't judge! Ha!  Emily Giffin is actually a pretty good author and she nails the chick lit!  

Now, as I finish icing my calf, I'm off to pick up one of these and stick with it! With the help of my foam roller, compression socks, good stretching, and a go get 'em attitude, my calf served me well this morning.  I felt strong on my treadmill workout...short and sweet.  And this gym childcare?!  Score!  My kids love it, I love it, AND I don't have to wait until 7 p.m to get my run on!

What is on your reading list?  Or what books are in your "reading stack"?  Please share!  I love to know this kind of thing.  I might be adding some of your books to my list or stack!


Amanda

Gentle Redirections...Hitting the Reset Button

Tonight is one of those nights when I catch and gently redirect myself back to where I want to be.  It is so easy for me to get obsessive and one tracked with my thinking and doing and before I know it, I'm losing control on so many of the other things that are important to me.  I'm not sure what has been up with me the past couple of weeks but I've just been in a Funky Cloud.  I have not felt on my GAME as a mother, wife, friend...you know, that feeling like things just are not lining up!  I've kind of felt indifferent about things that I'm generally pretty passionate about.  Perhaps I can merely chalk it up to "that time of the month" or being tired but whatever it is, I'm ready to lift the cloud, take a long close looks at my life, and get back in the zone of Awesomeness!  That zone where everything seems balanced and in check and the energy I'm sending out is as as wonderful as the energy I'm getting more of!  


Running
My training is one of the things I've been more obsessive about than usual.  I've been thinking a lot more about what it will take to reach some big goals.  I find myself thinking about racing and running all the time.  When I should be thinking about other things and being fully present with those that I love.  God. My kids. My husband.  Don't get me wrong, I think it is perfectly legit to be thinking through training plans, race strategy, goals, etc. during the day and while I'm doing things but I can't allow my training to take over my every thought.  I have to stay BALANCED or my running will OWN me instead of me being in control of it.  And this will lead me down an all too familiar path where, instead of  improving as a runner, I will become way too mental about it all.  This limits me.  Instead of just running and doing what I know I can do, I OVER THINK and end up making it all way harder than it is.  


Motherhood
Being a mother is hard.  Enough said.  Being good at the art of parenting and raising children is so much more work than anyone ever tells you.  I find myself really slipping lately.  Getting lazy with my parenting and not putting forth the effort that I should.  Instead of using stressful situations with my kids as teachable moments and redirecting their squabbles with love and gentleness, I find myself yelling way more than I ever thought I would.  Barking really.  Growling even.  Today maybe even a snarl or two.  I know the tricks.  I know how to get them back on track so that a small fight and  mischievous ploy doesn't turn into a horrific day where everyone ends up with consequences and feeling lousy about themselves.  I know the difference between strong parenting and poor parenting skills.  So, why do I find myself being so lazy as a mother lately?  I've turned into a threatening, reacting, fired up fool that wants my kids to do as I say and not as I do!  Okay, I'm probably being my own worst critic but really, I'm ready to start being a little more ACTIVE and ON with my motherhood game.  These days are short. My job as a mother is my most important job I will ever have.


A Few Goals To Get Myself Redirected

• Connect with each of my children fully and thoughtfully every day!  This will always be an ongoing goal.  Even if it is only 10-15 minutes with each kid where for those 10-15 minutes they feel like they are the center of my world.  Maybe this will be a story together, a conversation, a cuddle...something where my mind is focused fully in the present moment with them!
• Pray and connect with God!  This part of my life is failing.  I need to recharge myself on a spiritual level and take time for quiet meditation (without letting running come into my thinking)
• Keep running FUN!  This is important to me. This is key for me.  I run my best when the pressure is off.  My Goal is to surprise myself.  For me this means not overanalyzing things but allowing myself to enjoy the surprise and the learning.  Planning a little is essential but planning too much for a race is destructive for me.  
• Ask my husband about his job and goals more.  It shouldn't be all about Me and lately I feel as if it is.  I also want to really think of small things to do for him that mean a lot...making coffee for the next day, helping him make his lunches, eye contact and being fully present and attentive when he is talking to me and telling me about his day.  
• Dream Big and be creative with my thinking.  It is important for me to remind myself not to put limits on myself...limits caused by fear and insecurity.  This goes with my dreams of writing, goals with running, and where I choose to take my career.

What about you? Do you have any "reset goals" that you come back to again and again?

Amanda

Refocusing, Setting Goals and Seeking Balance

This is such a crazy time of year if I allow it to be.  Christmas cards, presents for family, presents for the teachers of my kids, holiday events, family activities...it is easy to get overwhelmed and forget to experience the JOY of this season.  If I'm not careful, the holiday season starts to feel more like a huge pile of mess that I'm digging my way out of rather than a time to be merry and enjoy the spirit.  Today I took a step back, breathed deeply and tried to refocus on what is important about this time of year.  It is important that I am teaching my children the joy of giving, celebrating their faith, finding excitement and comfort in traditions, and being thankful for their family and blessings.  These are obviously things I'm hoping to make part of our daily life and not just during the Holidays but this time of year definitely brings with it a certain magic.   A certain magic and a long list of things to do!

But we did get our Christmas cards sent out with a letter this year.  Here are the two cards we had.  I only did a second one because I got some free ones.  Do you like how I used the paint tool on our computer to cross out our names?:

Spacing Out
I took my youngest daughter to preschool this morning and all the other little kids were bringing their presents for the teachers. I realized that I had completely spaced getting a gift.  However, my daughter did make them a card and I think that is gift enough since it came from her heart. I don't think we always need to get wrapped up in feeling like we HAVE to buy something for everyone.  It is more important to me to show our love and appreciation in whatever way....a letter, personal words of thanks, positive feedback, etc.  However, I did go ahead and drive through Starbucks to get some gift certificates for the teachers.  I always loved getting Starbucks certificates to go with all my teacher mugs, chocolates, apple themed ornaments, pencils, and other gifts that people just get for you if you're a teacher.

Spacing the gifts for kids to take to their teachers isn't the only thing I've been spacing lately.  I just feel so out of the zone as a mother.  I've been feeling a bit lost and my days with my kids have kind of started to just melt into one continuous blah, or so it seems.  I'm reading so much about running lately that I think I've lost track of some of the more important things in my life that I need to give my focus and energy to.  So, I woke up this morning with many goals in mind.

Goals, Goals, Goals:
1.  Start making time to read more parenting books, magazines or blogs.  Finding more ways to be creative and fresh with my time with my kids instead of letting it all feel like work.  As with anything in life, motherhood is just another role in my life that I need inspiration with.  Just as I get inspiration about running from all of the running books and blogs I read, I know that the same inspiration is out there for my job as a mother.  Any suggestions for inspiring, motivating, or fun parenting books, magazines or blogs out there?


2.  I know I've said it again and again but I really want to make more time for writing in my journal.  Writing in my personal journal is a lot different than writing on my blog.  It allows me to really go within myself and be private and personal with my goals, my gratitude, and self reflection...raw and unrevised....writing for just me and not an audience.  It has helped me grow in so many ways.

3.  Being creative and deliberate with what I do with my kids.  I know there is definitely a time to just let my kids play (huge part of the day) and even to let them zone out and watch some television without their t.v miser of a mom saying No no no.  But really, I want to carve out time to have some more planned, focused creative and constructive projects to do with them...with them...not just setting them free and hoping they stay busy with it so I can do my stuff but really just sitting down WITH them (like I used to) and creating, building, writing, reading, imagining, going on fairy or treasure hunts, etc. This week I did manage to get to the Children's Museum with all three of them but that is just not always easy these days with everyone going to preschool, kinder and still having time to get things done.  I have to be easier on myself and realize that I just can't keep up with the things I did all the time when I just had one.  It isn't the same.  But I can still find ways to make sure I'm being present and active in their life.   Sometimes I get to the end of the day or the week and realize that it was all one big blur of getting things done, chasing a break, and missing out on what is important. Staying home with them day in and day out is definitely a challenge that I didn't expect to be so hard. 


4.  Realize that Running is wonderful, great, and fulfilling but there is such a thing as obsessing about it too much.  I need to remind myself that life needs to be balanced.  I tend to get into something and then put way too much mental focus and energy into this one thing.  Sometimes other areas of my life tend to suffer because of this.  I want to remind myself that I run because I love it. I run because it is part of who I am and what I feel I'm made to do. I run because it makes me happy and calm.  However, with all this reading, writing, and talking about running and racing, I think I'm giving running a little too much of me.  I want to bring myself back to myself and keep working on creating balance in my life.  I have no doubts that 2011 will be an amazing year for running, racing and feeling fulfilled as an athlete but I also want it to be an amazing and fulfilling year as a mother, friend, and wife!

What are some current goals you have for your life?  Big, Small, Long-term, Short-term?

Amanda

Books That Speak For Themselves!

Let the reading begin!  Gosh, I LOVE books!  I'm so excited to get these beauties in the mail today.  Thanks to ERG and Jill from Run With Jill for the great suggestions.

Oh, and I do plan on getting to some of your blogs today.  So many of you have left such thoughtful comments and I want to make sure I have time to come visit your blog and give you the same thoughtfulness so please don't think I'm just being rude and ignoring you.  Just trying to fit it all in between taking care of my kids, running, and you know, life.  :)

Have you read any of these books?  Tell me about them?  What's your favorite?
Amanda

A Book For Everything and Real Life Lessons

There are books for everything.  Books on how to be a better runner, mother, wife, student.  How-to-do-anything books.  Books that hold opinions and research that can be applied to whatever it is you want to know about. Some mothers will swear by a book that works for them and then another mother might completely and utterly disagree.  There is also "research" for everything.  I've found this as a teacher.  For every new trend in education, there is usually some kind research to back it up.  This doesn't mean it is the best thing for every kid or every teacher. Reading a book or knowing the research on something doesn't always carry over to real life and magically make someone a good mother, runner, or teacher.  I'm a huge fan of books.  I am a learner for life!  My house if full of books.  My shelves and tables are scattered with books on literacy instruction, parenting, babies, giving birth, spirituality, running, healthy living and much more.  I think I've learned a lot from books.  I've also learned somewhere along this road of life that what I read and what I think is the best thing to do, isn't always what works best for everybody.  I've learned to accept myself and others as not always having to adhere to the same parenting style, teaching style and hold the same views on life in order to be the better person.  

As I find myself floundering in motherhood these days, I am continually feeling like a failure.  I go to bed humbled and with a list of things I need to be better at for tomorrow.  I need to yell less, model appropriate behavior more, read more books to my children, feed them better food, have them watch less television, and the list goes on and on and on.  I have to admit, that one of the reasons that I'm so hard on myself is because before I actually started experiencing the Real Deal of motherhood, I thought I knew it all.  I've been humbled as a parent, teacher and friend.  I've learned that I can have the best intentions for parenting but just because I have read a stack of best sellers on motherhood, been a teacher, had my degree in education, worked with preschool kids during my college summers, and was a babysitter for all of my teen years, I don't have all the answers and motherhood isn't as easy as it was before I actually started getting knee deep in it.  

So, here I am, blogging when I should have the computer off.  I should be on the floor engaging with my kids and doing all those wonderful "research based" motherhood things that I push myself so hard to do.  Luckily, I have a few minutes (and quickly running out) of blog time to get this off my mind because my kids are taking pride in filling up each other's "love buckets" and playing nicely.  Oh, and I bribed them by telling them we would go to the Children's Museum in a minute.

   

I guess I've just hit a new stage in my motherhood road.  I'm realizing more and more that what makes me a good mother is that I try to be the best I can be.  It isn't because I am able to do everything perfectly (because I don't) or because I'm caught up on all the latest trends in "good" parenting.  It is because I love my children with all my heart and I wake up with the best intentions to be the best Mom that I can be.  It doesn't make me a good mom just because I hold all my shit together and present myself to my kids as some wonder woman that never never loses her cool. 

I'm living each day admitting I don't know all the answers. I show my children that I'm a learner.  I show them that we all make mistakes and grow as we go.  I show them that I'm not perfect and I don't expect them to be either.  I don't have all the answers but I'm trying the best I can.  I'm not a bad mom because I find myself screaming at times or showing my non-calm side, or expecting more from my children then I'm doing. This makes me real.  I'm showing my kids that I don't have all the answers.  I no longer think that I'm a good mom just because I am ahead on my reading list of parenting books, advice columns and current research.  We are all in this together and it isn't as easy as it looks in the books!

Will I keep reading the research and the parenting books?  Yes, absolutely!  So much to learn.  But I'll also keep in mind that I have to trust my mother heart too and know that you're not a good mom just because you read a good book and do what it says.  On that note, we are off to the Children's Museum to get some germs.  Happy Hump Day!  Thank you for all the wonderful comments yesterday on my 32! blog. 

What have you learned about motherhood that is different from what you thought  before you were a mother?  How have your ideas about parenting changed from before you actually experienced it? 

Amanda