There are books for everything. Books on how to be a better runner, mother, wife, student. How-to-do-anything books. Books that hold opinions and research that can be applied to whatever it is you want to know about. Some mothers will swear by a book that works for them and then another mother might completely and utterly disagree. There is also "research" for everything. I've found this as a teacher. For every new trend in education, there is usually some kind research to back it up. This doesn't mean it is the best thing for every kid or every teacher. Reading a book or knowing the research on something doesn't always carry over to real life and magically make someone a good mother, runner, or teacher. I'm a huge fan of books. I am a learner for life! My house if full of books. My shelves and tables are scattered with books on literacy instruction, parenting, babies, giving birth, spirituality, running, healthy living and much more. I think I've learned a lot from books. I've also learned somewhere along this road of life that what I read and what I think is the best thing to do, isn't always what works best for everybody. I've learned to accept myself and others as not always having to adhere to the same parenting style, teaching style and hold the same views on life in order to be the better person.
As I find myself floundering in motherhood these days, I am continually feeling like a failure. I go to bed humbled and with a list of things I need to be better at for tomorrow. I need to yell less, model appropriate behavior more, read more books to my children, feed them better food, have them watch less television, and the list goes on and on and on. I have to admit, that one of the reasons that I'm so hard on myself is because before I actually started experiencing the Real Deal of motherhood, I thought I knew it all. I've been humbled as a parent, teacher and friend. I've learned that I can have the best intentions for parenting but just because I have read a stack of best sellers on motherhood, been a teacher, had my degree in education, worked with preschool kids during my college summers, and was a babysitter for all of my teen years, I don't have all the answers and motherhood isn't as easy as it was before I actually started getting knee deep in it. So, here I am, blogging when I should have the computer off. I should be on the floor engaging with my kids and doing all those wonderful "research based" motherhood things that I push myself so hard to do. Luckily, I have a few minutes (and quickly running out) of blog time to get this off my mind because my kids are taking pride in filling up each other's "love buckets" and playing nicely. Oh, and I bribed them by telling them we would go to the Children's Museum in a minute.
I guess I've just hit a new stage in my motherhood road. I'm realizing more and more that what makes me a good mother is that I try to be the best I can be. It isn't because I am able to do everything perfectly (because I don't) or because I'm caught up on all the latest trends in "good" parenting. It is because I love my children with all my heart and I wake up with the best intentions to be the best Mom that I can be. It doesn't make me a good mom just because I hold all my shit together and present myself to my kids as some wonder woman that never never loses her cool.
I'm living each day admitting I don't know all the answers. I show my children that I'm a learner. I show them that we all make mistakes and grow as we go. I show them that I'm not perfect and I don't expect them to be either. I don't have all the answers but I'm trying the best I can. I'm not a bad mom because I find myself screaming at times or showing my non-calm side, or expecting more from my children then I'm doing. This makes me real. I'm showing my kids that I don't have all the answers. I no longer think that I'm a good mom just because I am ahead on my reading list of parenting books, advice columns and current research. We are all in this together and it isn't as easy as it looks in the books!Will I keep reading the research and the parenting books? Yes, absolutely! So much to learn. But I'll also keep in mind that I have to trust my mother heart too and know that you're not a good mom just because you read a good book and do what it says. On that note, we are off to the Children's Museum to get some germs. Happy Hump Day! Thank you for all the wonderful comments yesterday on my 32! blog.
What have you learned about motherhood that is different from what you thought before you were a mother? How have your ideas about parenting changed from before you actually experienced it?
Amanda
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