Tonight is one of those nights when I catch and gently redirect myself back to where I want to be. It is so easy for me to get obsessive and one tracked with my thinking and doing and before I know it, I'm losing control on so many of the other things that are important to me. I'm not sure what has been up with me the past couple of weeks but I've just been in a Funky Cloud. I have not felt on my GAME as a mother, wife, friend...you know, that feeling like things just are not lining up! I've kind of felt indifferent about things that I'm generally pretty passionate about. Perhaps I can merely chalk it up to "that time of the month" or being tired but whatever it is, I'm ready to lift the cloud, take a long close looks at my life, and get back in the zone of Awesomeness! That zone where everything seems balanced and in check and the energy I'm sending out is as as wonderful as the energy I'm getting more of!
Running
My training is one of the things I've been more obsessive about than usual. I've been thinking a lot more about what it will take to reach some big goals. I find myself thinking about racing and running all the time. When I should be thinking about other things and being fully present with those that I love. God. My kids. My husband. Don't get me wrong, I think it is perfectly legit to be thinking through training plans, race strategy, goals, etc. during the day and while I'm doing things but I can't allow my training to take over my every thought. I have to stay BALANCED or my running will OWN me instead of me being in control of it. And this will lead me down an all too familiar path where, instead of improving as a runner, I will become way too mental about it all. This limits me. Instead of just running and doing what I know I can do, I OVER THINK and end up making it all way harder than it is.
Motherhood
Being a mother is hard. Enough said. Being good at the art of parenting and raising children is so much more work than anyone ever tells you. I find myself really slipping lately. Getting lazy with my parenting and not putting forth the effort that I should. Instead of using stressful situations with my kids as teachable moments and redirecting their squabbles with love and gentleness, I find myself yelling way more than I ever thought I would. Barking really. Growling even. Today maybe even a snarl or two. I know the tricks. I know how to get them back on track so that a small fight and mischievous ploy doesn't turn into a horrific day where everyone ends up with consequences and feeling lousy about themselves. I know the difference between strong parenting and poor parenting skills. So, why do I find myself being so lazy as a mother lately? I've turned into a threatening, reacting, fired up fool that wants my kids to do as I say and not as I do! Okay, I'm probably being my own worst critic but really, I'm ready to start being a little more ACTIVE and ON with my motherhood game. These days are short. My job as a mother is my most important job I will ever have.
A Few Goals To Get Myself Redirected
- Connect with each of my children fully and thoughtfully every day! This will always be an ongoing goal. Even if it is only 10-15 minutes with each kid where for those 10-15 minutes they feel like they are the center of my world. Maybe this will be a story together, a conversation, a cuddle...something where my mind is focused fully in the present moment with them!
- Pray and connect with God! This part of my life is failing. I need to recharge myself on a spiritual level and take time for quiet meditation (without letting running come into my thinking)
- Keep running FUN! This is important to me. This is key for me. I run my best when the pressure is off. My Goal is to surprise myself. For me this means not overanalyzing things but allowing myself to enjoy the surprise and the learning. Planning a little is essential but planning too much for a race is destructive for me.
- Ask my husband about his job and goals more. It shouldn't be all about Me and lately I feel as if it is. I also want to really think of small things to do for him that mean a lot...making coffee for the next day, helping him make his lunches, eye contact and being fully present and attentive when he is talking to me and telling me about his day.
- Dream Big and be creative with my thinking. It is important for me to remind myself not to put limits on myself...limits caused by fear and insecurity. This goes with my dreams of writing, goals with running, and where I choose to take my career.
What about you? Do you have any "reset goals" that you come back to again and again?
Amanda
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