If I Knew Then...

Note:  I originally posted this hours ago but then took it off, posted it again, took it off, posted again and then finally took it off.  I guess I just felt silly, dramatic and vulnerable in a way.  Sharing something about my hurt hamstring, something so important to me but something that probably seems so small to others, made me feel embarrassed or protective over my feelings.  But then my friend Jenn, from Running Sane e-mailed and asked me about it and she really seemed to understand.  I figure, if the post resonated with her then I'm sure there are others out there that will be able to relate too.  I guess part of a good blog is writing raw and being real...saying the things from my heart and not just the things that will make the masses happy.  At least that is what I want my blog to be.  So, here's my post back with a few things taken out.  This is important to me.  


If I knew then what I know now....


I would be back on the day I tripped in the forest at mile 9.  The moment that that I felt myself falling, 
and landing in splits,
hearing the pop and rip of my hamstring.  
Tears falling. 

and I would tell myself to


Stop. 
Be Still.
Surrender.
Do Not Fight what is!


If I knew then what I know now...


I wouldn't have waited hours to ice.  
I wouldn't have continued to try to keep running and pushing it too hard on the bike and elliptical for fear of losing all I had worked for.  
I wouldn't have ignored the pain. 
I would have taken it seriously.
Nurturing it with love and care.
My leg.
My means to do something I love so very much.   


And when I saw my 
    car
rolling
    in the 
Parking Lot,
I would have let it roll on.
I would have screamed for help from someone else
instead 
Of 
thinking I was superwoman
and
sprinting towards it and pushing against it with 
all of my weight...further damaging the part of my hamstring below where it was taped up.


If I knew then what I know now...


I never would have continued to try to run before I was fully healed.  Trying to lift my leg when all it would do is drag along with me.  I never would have tried to wrap it up tight so that I could move in ways that I shouldn't have been moving to begin with.  I would have taken the tears running down my cheeks as a sign that I needed 
To Stop
Be Still
Surrender
Wait.    


I didn't know then what I know now.  We never do.  This is one of the beautiful parts of life and how we learn and grow wiser with age!  



What I'm glad I do know is this: 
*  I'm thankful for my injury and what I've learned from it.  
*  Injury and difficult experiences can make us come out more determined and stronger than ever
*  Don't ever take your gifts for granted...you never know how much of life you have to use them!
*  Find a lesson to take from each moment and experience you go through in life.
*  Life is short.  We never know when the things we love, our health, the things we take for granted can be taken from us.  Make every day count.
*  Dream Big.  Even if your dreams seem small in comparison to others.  Dream big for you! What one person considers small or of little interest, is treasure to someone else.  
* Don't compare yourself to others...Be the best YOU you can be.  


What I'm struggling with today:
*  The lower part of my hamstring (by my knee) is hurting me again.  I'm not quite sure how serious it is but I know I need to learn from the past and STOP. Be Still.  Be Patient.  Nurture.  Heal.  
*  Why is it so hard to do this?  Why is it so hard to give up weeks of speed work and important workouts? Even when I know this is the smart choice.  
*  I'm finally at a place where going out and running 7 minute miles feels good and I'm having fun with hit. Even running sub 7 min miles is feeling good.   
*  I'm scared of losing this...losing my goals, my training, not ever having my leg back 100%.  
* I'm also struggling with why I'm having such a hard time with this...it seems so trivial in comparison to all the many deeper issues in life.  I almost feel bad for feeling so bummed about something like having to take a week or two off of training (maybe longer) when I have so many blessings....so many....a healthy happy family, very little to worry about!  I'm alive, healthy, happy, able to stay home with my children....so why am I so bummed about this?  I am.  That's my reality.  Even if it does seem silly and pathetic to others.  I need to validate and respect these feelings because I am my most important advocate and caretaker of ME.  


What I'm telling myself now:
*  Be Still
*  Practice Patience
* REST
*  Take days off even if it means losing some ground.  
*  Love my hamstring
*  Have a heart of gratitude, love, and happiness...this will go a long way in healing.  
*  Stay focused on my goals and let this make me stronger and more determined.  


1.  We all have lessons in life that we have to learn for ourselves.  We've all had times where we just don't listen to the good advice given by others.  I did this with my hamstring injury.  Not because I didn't think that what they were saying was wise.  I just didn't listen.  I couldn't at the time.  I had to learn for myself.  Can you think of a time in your life that you didn't listen to good advice from others and you had to learn the hard way?  


2. What are some things in your life that were hard, painful, or depressing to go through but that you are thankful for now because of the wisdom and growth you've gained from the experience?  
Amanda